a new year!!

I know a lot of people had a wonderful 2010, but for me it was the worst year of my life. While the year went quickly, it just couldn't seem to go quickly enough. And, the thing is, I don't really remember about half of it. That is one great thing about grief, it almost lets you forget the most painful time in your life. Everything is just such a blur that you can pick out a few great moments and just forget the rest. Well, with 2011 comes a sense of renewal for me. I am looking forward to what this year is going to bring. I am hopeful that great things are to come!

I have never really made resolutions, at least nothing I was serious about. You know, I made the cliche resolution to lose 5 lbs or whatever. This year instead of making a meaningless resolution, I decided to change my outlook on things. I am not going to get wrapped up in superficial things that fill my time, instead I am going to focus on being present in every moment. I want to be a better mother and wife. I want to remember all of the incredible things that happen to me. I just want to live and not go through the motions. I want to do things that are important, I want to say "no" to the million things that fill up my time and take away from my family. I had all of these revelations about 2 weeks ago. I was getting ready for Christmas, baking and cleaning and wrapping, checking all of these things off of a list and missing time with my family. Freddy was playing with Ansley and they were laughing and having a great time while I was checking off a list, and for what? Just to have a clean house, cookies and wrapped gifts that I won't remember next year? I want to be on the floor playing with my child and husband.

The thing that really got me thinking is the fact that we are having another little one! I'm pregnant again, and we are so blessed to be welcoming a little one in July. I can't wait to bring our baby home from the hospital and see Ansley interact with them. I want to free myself from all the superficial obligations that I place upon myself so that I can relish in the time I have with our growing little family. I really want to enjoy every minute with this baby. I want to hold it as much as I can and remember that newborn smell, because I have learned that life is fleeting and it passes you by before you know it.

So far, 2011 is looking bright! Tomorrow I will go to the Dr. and hear our little one's heart beat once again. I can't wait! Here I am at 12 weeks: