bye bye boobies!!

Well, Ansley has decided she is done with nursing. It all started with getting my tooth pulled. I was put under sedation and was unable to breastfeed for 24 hours, so I had pumped a lot so that she could be satisfied. Well, after that my supply started to fade even more than before. I tried everything and it was not meeting miss Ansley's needs. Thus, I have been supplementing with formula for the past 2 weeks. She has gotten so used to the bottle because we were giving her the formula or the pumped milk during the day, but I would still nurse her in the morning. Well, she was DONE with that last week. I didn't realize how emotional I would be about not nursing anymore. I don't even remember the last time I nursed her and that makes me sad, because I know I would have savored it more if I knew it would be the last time!So now, I am still pumping but am not getting much. I hope to give her one bottle of breast milk a day as long as I can. On the bright side, this means I can start dieting and exercising like I want. Those who say that you drop all the weight breastfeeding lie! Or at least it didn't work for me, I was hungrier and I couldn't work out like I am used to because it affected my supply so much.

I had been having so many mixed emotions about breastfeeding. I know that it is the best thing for her, but it has not been the best thing for me. I have been struggling with it the entire time! From the beginning when she gave me blisters, to over abundant supply, to lack of supply. It has been hard, and no one seems to tell you how hard it truly is. I have wanted to stop for a while but guilt has kept me going. Now, my body and my baby have pretty much decided for me. My little girl is very content with formula and she has transitioned flawlessly. However, I still feel that guilt that I am not providing what's best for her, but it is what I can provide her now so I just have to deal with it. To all those mothers who can go a year with no problems, you are my heroes and I applaud you. I don't know how you do it, but hopefully the next time around I will do better.